


Yours truly,

by Hopefullylost



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, But whatever, Canon Divergent, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Letters, M/M, New York City, Post-War, a little fluff, and this is short, enjoy, idk - Freeform, it's late as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 11:26:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13997304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopefullylost/pseuds/Hopefullylost
Summary: One night, Draco decides to write to Harry...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> I... don't know what this is actually. I had this idea. I just pictured Draco writing to Harry after the war and it pretty much went on from there. (I'm pretty sure this has been done before sorry)  
> English is not my first language and it is very very late so... mistakes mistakes here I come.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy <3
> 
> {This fic was written to 4 songs (might help you understand the dynamic idk):  
> Never enough - Loren Allred  
> Panic room - Au/Ra  
> At night (I think about you) - MNEK  
> Are you with me - Nilu}

 

 

Dear Harry,

 

I am stuck. In a word of pain. In a word of oblivion. Of danger.

Danger to myself, mostly, but not only. I realize now that because of my actions, I am a danger to others.

I thought I wanted to be a threat. To them. To you.

But never.

You were dead. Lying down in Hagrid’s arms. A cold, lifeless body. Your soul was gone. And all the good that came with it.

I thought I wanted to hurt you. All those years of us fighting each other. Of making our lives difficult. I thought I wanted to strangle you, pull every single hair out of your Potter head until you begged for mercy.

I thought a lot of things, Harry. Not all good. Not all innocent.

It’s no secret, I think, that I am not brave. Courageous, like you are. I have never stood up to anyone that really frightened me. I’ve picked on the weak. I’ve picked on the ones I thought were beneath me. Like your friends. I know how much I’ve hurt them. How much pain I’ve caused. Still it haunts me.

But that is my burden to bear. My punishment for not seeing sooner.

Realizing what you are, what you’ve become, it’s a challenge, isn’t it? You know that better than anyone, I think.

The savior. The hero. I thought it was all a mask, a show you put on. But that day you went to Voldemort, that day you… died, I saw that it wasn’t.

You’ve saved me more times than I ever deserve. Saved my family, the horrible things we’ve done. You could have casted me out. Could have promised me Hell and I would have understood.

Why did you save me, Harry? Why, I wonder, again and again, in moonlight, in daylight. The clock ticks, time flies and all I can think about is why.

But I’ve come to understand that there is never a why with you. Because you believe that people all deserve to be saved. Especially from themselves. You do not need a reason. Humanity is reason enough.

And me? I am still human to you. In some ways, I guess.

I write to you because… because I’m trying to figure out what I am now. You’re the only one I can ask this to. The only thing that gives me an idea of who I am.

You’ve never taken any shit from me, have you, Potter? You’ve pushed me and pushed me and hurt me and I deserved all of it. I can only remember your eyes when you said those things.

There was truth in them. Anger. Rage.

You and I, we know what it is to bleed. Perhaps, not in the same way, but we know what it is to suffer. To hold your head between your hands and think, who the hell am I?

That is why I am writing to you, today. Because I think you’re the only one who’ll ever be able to understand what I want to say. What I need to say.

Fear. Darkness. They’ve been my only companions until now. However, loneliness has come, trapped here, in that place I don’t know, far away from my home, the very one I can never go back to, never want to go back to.

Loneliness makes you do strange things. Makes you feel what you lack cruelly. All that haunts your dreams is what you want, so bright, with such burning desire that it wakes you up at night and have you stare into oblivion. The darkness, it comes at night. It comes when you least expect it.

Do you know where I find strength, Harry? Do you know where I find light?

No, you don’t. How could you ever know? How could you ever see when I’m only beginning to see myself.

I’ve tried everything. Alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sports, books, magic, religion. Nothing works. When I close my eyes, there’s only one thing there. One thing I stare at until my eyes cry tears of fury. For the mistakes I’ve made. For the forsaken truth I’ve created.

I realize I don’t make any sense. I sound mad. I probably am. But, Harry, do you know what I see when I close my eyes?

I see green, emeralds, so vibrant with life and feeling. I see black, the darkest kind, tangled like storms of fury. I see dark skin, of a color so rich it glows under the sun and shines, so bright, so low, a rumbling fire, a beauty of limbs, of vibrations underneath it all, of a beating, pulsing heart.

I see you. Harry. I see you.

I try not to, trust me. Have you ever had your nemesis’ body haunt you in your dreams? No, of course, you haven’t.

I used to think it was some kind of punishment. My mind, it would relive our years at Hogwarts. To pain me further, to make me understand what I had lost. It took me so much time to realize I was only seeing you. Always you, Harry.

I can’t… I…

I think I love you.

I think deep down I’ve always loved you.

I think now that we’re apart, now that you’ve started anew, now that you’re out of my reach, I can’t let you go.

I think I’ll never let you go.

Sanity, yes, perhaps I’ve lost it. It wasn’t always there to begin with but now, now it’s definitely gone.

Crudely, I ask you to forgive me. I ask your friends to forgive me. All that I did, I thought was the only way to do it. The truth is I was too scared to take a step towards goodness, towards love, towards joy.

Emotions, I’ve never been good with them so I’m asking you.

Tell me if what I felt was real? If what I feel now is real?

Because, Harry, I am losing my mind. I am drowning in an ocean where there is only you and I cannot surface to take a breath.

This letter, it’s my only hope. It’s my only breath, Harry.

I don’t want— I don’t want to be alone anymore.

There is this one memory, of you laughing in the great hall, that makes me feel like I am more than alone. How do you laugh like that, Harry? How do you feel such joy? Such pleasure?

It’s all too foreign to me.

I’ve written more than I wished to say. But, after all, if this is the last confession I make, I wish to tell the truth. The whole truth.

I am who I am, whoever that might be.

So let it be known, that Draco Malfoy might, perhaps, be in love with Harry Potter.

Let it be known that I, in stolen time, for burrowed minutes, have burned for Harry Potter.

You’re my own hell. My own redemption. My only chance.

As you know, however, I am too much of a coward to let you try and save me.

You will never read this.

You will never know.

You will never realize, Harry, that there is someone who loves you deeper than he thought he could ever love.

That there is someone, for so many nights, who has thought only about your eyes.

Green is all I want to remember. Of us. Of our time together.

Green is my only punishment and green, green is my only redemption.

You have saved me, Harry, but you’ve also condemned me.

You’ve trapped my soul, and I don’t think it ever wants to be freed.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Draco,

 

This must be like, the third time I’ve written to you. It will probably be the third letter I burn.

I have no excuses really. It’s not like Ginny could stumble on them, since her and I, we’ve stopped seeing each other.

I’ve dreamed about it again.

Every damn time, I see the angle of the wand, the aim at my heart, Voldemort’s expression.

I’m tired of my own excuses. You know, well the you in these letters knows, how I’m stuck on this moment. I’m trapped. I don’t think I can actually escape.

I get these precious moments with you. I mean, not the real you, but still, some part of you.

Why you, you’d ask me. That’s something we’ve never discussed.

In truth? I don’t really know. You’d sneer at me for it but I just… You already think poorly of me. I think the way it can’t get any lower than that makes me just tell you everything.

You’d judge me so hard, admit it. You’d look down upon me. Scared, Potter?

Hell yes, Draco. Scared as fuck.

Ron asked me the other day if I wanted to go out. Have a drink.

You’d be surprised how much drinks I already have on my own. Isn’t that pathetic? Aren’t you delighted right now? Having the best laugh of your life?

You know what I just realized. I’ve never seen you laugh. I don’t mean like snicker. I mean properly laugh.

Have you ever? It’s a troubling thought. I would like to see you laugh. To make you laugh.

I know, I know, what am I saying? I don’t know myself. I am an idiot, remember? A typical Gryffindor.

Now I’m the one laughing on my own. It’s great.

What did I wanted to tell you again? I can’t remember. It doesn’t matter.

I miss you.

I’m insane. I’m so fucked up. Missing you? Gosh… you’re probably halfway across the world. You’ve probably forgotten all about our time at Hogwarts. And here I am, saying I’m missing you. How shit faced must I be to say that?

Well, prepare yourself because I am not actually drunk.

Surprising, right? Little old me, so full of surprises.

I’m laughing again. I need help. Honestly.

Wallowing in safe pity, that’s what I always do. You were right.

How fucked up must I be, to write to you in this moment? After what you’ve said. What you’ve done.

The truth I think is, there simply isn’t anyone who’s going to understand this better than you.

I remember, I could see it in your eyes, how lost you were. As lost as I am right now.

What do I do, Draco? I’ve become an auror and yet, I hate it. I put in more sick days than anyone in the department, and they never hold me accountable.

They never hold me accountable for anything.

I might open up a bottle after all.

From now on, excuse my writing (not that it was great before. I’m sure yours is a hundred times better. What am I saying?)

I think about potions the most. You were always so good at it. I used to watch you carefully craft your mixtures. With those long, elegant hands of yours.

Never caught me doing that, did you, Malfoy?

Actually, there are a lot of things you never caught me doing. Starring for the most. Shaking. Crying.

I was already pretty pathetic to your eyes. How about now?

Fancy a little game? Truth or dare, only it’s only truth cause there is no way I’m doing dares on my own.

Truth, I saw you the day you sneaked into the library to spend the night there.

Truth, I caught you stealing wine in the kitchens.

Truth, I was there when you practiced quidditch on your own.

Truth, I tracked you on the marauder’s map more times than I can remember.

Truth, I saw you that one time you kissed Zabini.

A shot for all of those. Your turn now. Would you pick truth or dare? Dare I think, because you’d never expose yourself voluntarily.

All right.

Dare, would you invite me to spend the night in whatever library with you?

Dare, would you drink wine with me on the rooftops of Hogwarts?

Dare, would you fly alone with me?

Dare, would you track me to the edge of the world?

Dare, would you kiss me instead of Zabini?

Your answers, Draco, are all no. But those are dares. You’d pretty much do anything to catch me off guard, wouldn’t you?

I’ll tell you another secret. I would say yes to all of those. If you had asked me then, perhaps no. But if you ask me now?

Ask me anything, Draco. Please, please, ask me.

Ask me to write you.

Ask me to come see you.

Ask me to save you.

What am I saying? You never needed me to save you. But I need someone to save me. I need someone to put me out of the shit-tone of memories I have pilling up in my head.

I need someone to hold me accountable, Draco, and there’s only one person in this world who can that.

Yes, I’ve missed you. I miss you. I will always miss you.

I am deranged, I am off track, I am swimming in my own fucked up world.

Truth again? I don’t care.

I don’t give a shit anymore about what anyone thinks.

What if I want Draco Malfoy?! What are you going to do about it?!

Fuck it all. The fans. The papers. The ministry. Fuck them. I’ve given all I had to them and I wanted to but now, now I want something for myself.

I am tired of always being alone. I am tired of wallowing in self-pity. Years, I’ve spent doing it. Years, you know.

I…

Harry Potter would never want Draco Malfoy. But I am no longer Harry Potter. I don’t know who I am, in fact.

Who am I?

The answer doesn’t lie at the end of the bottle I’m holding, I know that. And yet, it’s the only answer I’m ever going to get. Cause you’re not there. You can’t help me understand.

I love Ron and Hermione but they… They can’t help either.

What fucking load of bullshit I’ve written again. It’s better if I burn it now. So nobody ever knows. So you never know.

But how could you know, Draco? How could you know I need you.

How could you know I want you.

And most importantly, how could you want me back?

 

Sarcastically yours then,

Harry.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Harry,

 

Today I saw you.

What are you doing in New York? I thought you were an auror. Every paper talked about it. Are you on a mission?

Why all the way back here, though, it doesn’t make any sense.

You were alone. Without Ginny. And you were hiding. Why were you hiding?

That coat looked good on you, I’m not going to lie. But that hood? Honestly, Harry, still with the sweaters?

I was so completely stunned. You’ve… You’ve changed. Physically.

I followed you, of course. How could I not? Ginny wasn’t at your apartment. You came alone. You went out alone.

It is night now and all I can think about is that bar you went to. I left but… I can see you sitting down. I can see you in that booth, alone, until a girl comes. I can see how you smile to her, how you take her home. I can see how you live your night and then your day, and then the next.

I can see everything, Harry.

And yet I can’t see anything.

I came to New York to get away from it all. Why did you follow me?

I have to see you again. You understand. No, you don’t. But I do. I understand I need to see you again.

Until tomorrow,

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Draco,

 

I left London. They weren’t too happy about it (my friends and the ministry). I have responsibilities, it’s true. But I threw those down the drain because I can’t do it anymore.

Hermione helped me, of course. She said I needed time to myself. She is the one who suggested New York City. I see why now.

You’re never alone there, you know? If you could only see the lights, the people, the noise. Is it weird that I can breathe again there? Is it weird that I feel better than I have in years?

I tried the bars. They’re good but, I don’t know. I guess I’m not in the mood for sex.

You’re surprised to hear me talk about sex, aren’t you? Well, get down from your high horse because yes, I know what sex is, and I enjoy it a lot, thank you very much.

Have you ever…? Yeah, no, that isn’t a good question to ask. I really don’t want to know. It’s weird but I just can’t think about it. It makes me a little angry.

I’ve fallen low, as you can see. I am being jealous of your fictional life. I can’t shake the feeling you’re somewhere posh, like Italy or something, sipping cocktails and enjoying your new life.

Me? Well, me I’m getting a job. I’m selling music. I’ve developed quite a sense for it. Those years I spent alone at Grimmauld’s doing nothing, I spent them learning.

I’ve found one thing I’m interested in.

Anyway, so yes, I’m selling vinyls in a shop in Brooklyn. A true New Yorker.

The American ministry knows I’m here, I think. I don’t know. I think one of them followed me home last night but I’m not quite sure. I’ve lost a bit of my edge to all that drinking.

Haha, yes, I never had an edge, you’re quite right.

I’ve stopped burning your letters. There’s no fireplace here and I don’t want the whole building to go up in flames.

I’ll stack them under my bed, like the hopeless child I am.

I used to hide my grimoire from the Dursley’s like this (you know that family I told you about?). They never caught me. I thought I was so smart. I really wasn’t.

You must have hidden things from your parents as well. Where did you put them? Somewhere very ingenious I bet. Somewhere they’d never find.

Damn, the sun is rising. Would you believe I’ve spent the night writing to you? You would, wouldn’t you?

You think yourself so worthy of all the attention you wouldn’t be that surprised.

Truth, you’re actually right. You’re worthy of mine, at least. I don’t know if that’s worth much to you. Probably not, but there you have it.

Harry Potter spends his nights writing to Draco Malfoy.

Gotta go now. Catch up later.

 

Far far from yours,

Harry.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Harry,

 

You…

What has happened to you?

You look taller, broader, more handsome than I remember. But those eyes Harry? They’re so hollow. There is something missing inside of you.

Did I imagine everything? Did I draw a pretty picture in my mind and kept it alive with naïve joy and laughter?

I did. Yes, I did.

You’re so different. I couldn’t approach you before. Now I… I want to come and hold you. I want someone to say something nice so you can smile, like you used to.

Where are Ron and Hermione? Why aren’t they with you? They were part of your soul, part of your spirit. Harry, tell me, is that why you lost yourself? Did something happen to them?

I left you after your morning coffee. It was already too much and I couldn’t afford to stay. As you probably know, I have to work now. The ministry took most of the Malfoy’s inheritance. All that is left is barely enough to afford rent.

I am a chemist now. Yes, I forged a diploma, do not judge me. You don’t know what it is like to be rejected by your own. I couldn’t have that with the muggles.

It’s a world I learned to trust. I was so blinded by my father’s hatred before. I never took any interest in their lives. But it is so much more than I thought.

They live more than we do, Harry. Trust me. They love, they hate, they fight but they also share. Compassion. Friendship. Kindness.

I didn’t know I could get those things. I didn’t know I deserved them. Maybe I don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore.

For all it’s worth, I think you look good in black. I don’t know if you picked that coat yourself but I like it.

It’s the end of my break. I’ll hope to see you again. Soon.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Draco,

 

I think I’m going insane.

I saw you. In the streets of New York. And you were not alone.

That woman with you, she was laughing and you were smiling. Smiling.

I didn’t know I could imagine such things. I didn’t know I could conjure up images like these.

I can’t sleep now. I can’t eat. I can’t do anything.

You looked… How to describe what I saw?

Your hair, I loved how I imagined your hair. Longer on the top of your head, shorter on the side. Of course, I pictured a green coat but it suited you so well. And that scarf. I think I have the exact same, so it’s no surprise I pictured you wearing it.

Do you see how deranged I am now? How far I’ve strayed?

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the image. It was so fleeting, Draco. A shadow of my past. Bright and beautiful. But it didn’t last.

Nothing good ever lasts.

 

Yours in my mind,

Harry.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Harry,

 

Where to begin?

So much to say. So little time.

You work at a vinyl shop.

You work at the only vinyl shop in the whole city I visit.

I am not going to lie, I saw the arms first. Your neck. How strong have you become? You’re not at all like I remember.

When you turned your head, when your mouth opened, I think my heart stopped. When you said my name…

I don’t think it will ever start again now.

Your eyes were so green. Those glasses, I’m glad you changed them.

Your hand on my arm, the way you touched me, I don’t think anyone has ever touched me like that. It was like you were checking if I was real.

I am real, Harry. But I’m not sure you are.

I had to run away. You have to understand. It was too much for me. I never expected to see you like this. To see you again. At all.

And now all I can think about is that shop.

Can I go back, Harry? Can I see you again? Give me your permission. I don’t think I can resist anyway.

Knowing you’re so close, it is burning me. I’m in physical pain, Harry Potter. Just thinking about you, is bringing me pain.

Have you got any idea what you’re doing to me? Have you got any clue? The way your eyes light up everything in my path? The way I see everything differently now?

You’re on my couch, your hands are on a coffee mug and your smile is back on your face. You’re on my kitchen counter and your breath is on my neck. You’re in my sheets and your lips are kissing mine.

You touched me, Harry, that’s all it took.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Draco,

 

You were there. You were there. You were real.

I didn’t imagine anything. You were there all along. You were within my reach.

I cannot think straight. Draco, if you could see me now. I don’t think I’ve ever been in this state.

My hand is shaking as I am writing this. I can’t get you out of my head.

Your eyes are the same, how is that? As grey as they were. As stormy. The surprise in them, the fear, Draco please, don’t ever look at me like that again.

I touched you. I didn’t think you were there. I thought I was lost again.

Why did you run away? Where did you go? Don’t leave again, Draco. I don’t think I can take it. I don’t think I can ever take it.

You’d better come back or I’ll start looking for you. I’ll turn this city upside down. I’ll tear it apart, if only to find you.

You’d better come back, Draco Malfoy, or I swear I’m going to lose my mind.

 

Closer than I ever thought to being yours,

Harry.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Harry,

 

I am going to be brave once in my life, if only for myself.

It has been a week and I don’t think I can wait any longer.

All I can think about is you. I can’t focus on anything else. I need to but I can’t.

Harry, what will you think? Can I trust you? Will you trust me?

I have to try. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to see you again.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Draco,

 

You came back.

You were standing outside the shop for Merlin knows how long. I saw you there and I forgot everything. I think I practically ran to you. I think you saw I did.

That silence, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. How you looked at me. So different. You were afraid.

Truth, I was too. Terrified. Scared you wouldn’t come back. Scared you would come back.

I stood there. I watched you. You watched me. And then I called your name.

 _What are you doing here?_ That’s the first thing you said. Of course, it would be the one question it would take me a million years to answer.

So I asked you the same thing. You looked like you had a hundred things to say as well.

The way that cigarette hanged on your lips. I starred so long and you never realized. We were both paralyzed.

 _What do we do now?_ It’s all you, asking the impossible questions.

And giving you a dumb answer is all me. _I don’t know._

You turned then, and I thought you were going to leave. That’s why I touched you again. And because I couldn’t help but.

Do you have any idea how intoxicating your presence is?

 _Come have a drink with me. Tonight._ It’s the bravest thing I’ve ever said. In my whole life, Draco. I can’t even begin to explain how relieved I was when you said yes.

Tonight, you were there when I arrived. You were wearing a shirt and you were smoking, inside. You were never one for rules.

That conversation we had, I want to commit it to memory. I want to see it everyday. But I won’t write it because it will not be truthful. I cannot write your expressions, the emotions in your eyes. Especially with my shitty writing.

You’ve changed so much. I cannot believe the man you’ve become. We were children, I know, but I never thought in a million years you’d grow up to become this.

It’s the best version of yourself you could ever be.

You were kind and yet still arrogant. You were calm and yet I could see there was a battle ragging behind your eyes. You were apologizing and forgiving at the same time.

How could I ever tell you all this? I was scared shitless seated on that stool, elbow touching yours. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to.

It was over too quickly. But you and I are not done. I left the cards in your hands.

You have my number, Draco Malfoy, so call me.

 

Hoping to be yours,

Harry.


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Harry,

 

I am at a loss for words. Me? Can you imagine?

I have been starring at my phone all night and all day. The sun is setting now and still I stare. My fingers, they start typing and they stop. Why did you leave it to me to make the first move?

You know I can’t. You know I’ll never bring myself to do it. I’m not worthy, Harry. Whatever your eyes told me last night, I don’t feel like I’m enough.

I could keep those memories. I could live off them for years. Treasure those precious moments where it was just us. Masks down.

I could. I could and I will. You don’t know what you’ve done.

And yet, still, my fingers itch to press that little button. To feel you around me again.

I’m not sure I can make that decision. But I am not sure I can’t either.

Am I lying to myself? Will I be able to live knowing you were on the other side of that phone and I didn’t do anything to reach you?

I am as uncertain as when we started this dance. What do I do?

You might not want what I want, Harry. What I want is everything. There is no half measure. If I press that button, I cannot go back. And you’ll have to be mine. All of you.

You see how conflicted I am? You see how scared?

I think I need time. I think I need to think.

Merlin, look what I just wrote. Isn’t that the sentence of the year? I am already thinking. Why would I need time?

Can I really afford to let you slip away? Can I handle it?

Harry, will you answer if I call? Will you come to me?

There is only one way to find out, isn’t there? Perhaps it is time I stop hiding and actually do something to get the things I want. And I want you, Harry, you have no idea how much.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Draco,

 

Please, never do that again.

I thought I could leave you alone. Give you time.

I can’t. Those two days were agony. I’ve never been a patient man and this, this tested my limits more than anything before.

I wish you could have seen how I dived for that phone. You would have laughed at me. I am still as pathetic but at least now, you’re the reason why.

You didn’t speak until I called your name. And then you gave me an address and hung up.

I’m as afraid as you are, Draco. Trust me. I am. You don’t have to run away. You don’t have to hide. I get it.

Now I can’t wait to get to you. I’ll show you what you are worth to me. I promise you. You’ll never fear me again.

 

Till tonight, yours,

Harry.


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Harry,

 

I kissed you.

I kissed you. On our first date. It wasn’t even a date. But I kissed you.

Your lips were not what I had imagined. They were so much better.

I would have kept you there forever. Trapped in this moment. I would have stilled time. But the way you looked at me, the way your hand touched my sin, caressed my face like it was the most precious thing you’d ever seen, I…

You want us to take our time. I understand. But I can’t. How long I’ve waited for this. I don’t think you have a clue. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.

I’ll keep you with me, Harry Potter. You’ll never be able to run away from me. I can’t lose you again. I won’t.

There is still so much we need to talk about. So much we need to explain. And yet, there isn’t anything I could say that would change what we have now. You already know everything. Everything except the fact that I’ve waited for you for years.

But you came to me. That’s all that matters. That you came back to me.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Draco,

 

It’s difficult for you to see, but I am restraining myself.

I have to, because, what we have here, it is so fragile I’m afraid one word will break it.

I want you to understand that if it were up to me, you’d be there, next to me and I’d be reading this to you at loud. But it’s not up to me. Not this time.

This time, it’s up to you.

I want to see you again. I need to see you again. But I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long as you need me to. Forever.

 

Yours, so little and yet so much,

Harry.


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Harry,

 

You’re sleeping next to me and your face has never been so beautiful.

The gift you made to me this evening is everything. I watch your face and I think, how could that man ever want me?

But you do, don’t you? I think you want me as much as I want you.

What we’ve experienced here together is more than I ever hoped for. More than I dreamed. Harry, you made me feel…

Desire.

I’ve burned. I’ve been consumed with it. The pattern of your hands on my skin, the map you traced with your tongue. The way you came for me. I have never experienced something so intense.

You stayed with me after. You stayed by my side. I’m glad. I was still a little afraid you wouldn’t, but you stayed.

How did I make you feel, I wonder. You seemed as enthralled as I was, but perhaps that was an illusion. Sex can make you believe crazy things. It’s a power of its own, isn’t it?

Don’t abandon me here, Harry. Don’t leave me alone again. I need you.

Your hold on me, it’s terrifying. One day maybe you’ll understand. For now, I’ll hide these letters from you.

I have to leave you now because reality is calling and in truth, it has become better than my imagination.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Draco,

 

One last dare. One last truth.

Dare, say you love me.

Truth, I love you.

 

Yours now,

Harry.


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Harry,

 

I don’t know how to say it. Please, give me time. I’m still scared. I know I don’t need to be. But I am.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Draco,

 

I think I’ve missed the whole point of this. I think I haven’t given you what I was supposed to give you. I think I haven’t said what I was supposed to say.

Instead, I’ll write then.

This morning, I woke up to you smoking on the couch. Your eyes were distant but when you saw me they colored, the way they only do. You came to great me with a kiss and you left your fingers in my hair.

I made you coffee and we starred at the sky, together, on that couch of yours. We went to central park, I rowed, and you filmed. You almost fell in the water. I caught you just in time. I kissed you.

Tonight, we’re having dinner. I’m writing this to give it to you there. I have little time because we’re meeting at eight and it’s already seven fifteen. You know I’m always late anyway.

When you’ll read this, you’ll understand that they are things I never told you because I didn’t know how to say them. I write them instead, Draco. I fill pages with thoughts and dreams. Lately, however, I’ve stopped writing because reality has become better than all my dreams.

I want you to come live with me. I mean, I want us to get our own place. Together. Wherever you’d like.

I want to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep with you every night. I want you to be by my side, whatever happens, just as I’ll stay by yours. I want us to be happy together, because it’s the only way I know how to be.

With you. Only ever with you.

Draco, if there are things you fear, forget them. I can’t sleep at night without holding you or the nightmares come. I know you have them too. Trust me to take care of them. Trust me to take care of you.

I’ll never let you go. That, I promise, and so much more.

Because I love you, Draco Malfoy. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

Be mine, just as I am yours. Come live with me. Leave your past behind. Leave our past behind. Let us be together.

I cannot ever be apart from you.

 

Yours,

Harry.


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Harry,

 

How long has it been since I’ve last written to you? Years, I think.

Today is a special day. It’s our anniversary and I have a special gift for you.

The papers for adoption have been approved. We are going to have a baby. Together.

I know you’re still anxious about being a father. So am I, darling, trust me. But I don’t think anyone is perfect when it comes to parenthood.

The mistakes of our own parents made us learn. Not only that, but also what we’ve experienced.

I want to show you how worthy you are of having a child. I want to make you understand what a great father you’ll be.

I swore I’d destroy them. But I have never been able to. Do you know why? Because this is our story. The one we made together. The one we created from nothing. We turned a wasteland into something that is worth everything in the world.

So here are the letters I wrote to you all through the years. I stopped when you gave me yours. That night I’ll never forget.

Some of them are not pleasant to read, but they are the truth, Harry. And we only tell each other the truth.

I hope you find, in the strength of my words, the confidence you are looking for.

You are everything to me. You know that. I need you to understand you’ve always been.

You once asked me to trust you, so I’m asking the same from you now. I believe in us, my love. I believe in you.

Happy anniversary, Harry.

 

Yours truly,

Draco.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, it's done. It was short but I hope you still enjoyed it ;)  
> Thanks to everyone who's read this! Much love to you <3


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